First Muslim Ever to be Annoyed

In a shocking turn of events, someone has upset a Muslim.

Though difficult to accept, the facts of the matter speak for themselves. On Monday, February 10th, Eric Bobberson of Seattle, Washington made a comment to his girlfriend regarding a coworker named 'Muhammad'. As Bobberson was experiencing difficulties with Muhammad (allegedly over a failure to replace an empty toner cartridge), he was overhead to mention, "Yeah, Muhammad can be a little annoying sometimes."

Unbeknownst to Bobberson, Aahil Ibinalhim, a practicing member of the Islamic faith, happened to overhear the comment. Rising calmly from his seat at a nearby Starbucks patio, Ibinalhim proceeded to politely interrupt the conversation and voice his concern over what he felt, "Could possibly have been an insult to the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him.)"

Surprised at this unusual display of emotion from a Muslim (traditionally known for their calm demeanor and preference for rational discourse), Bobberson hastened to clarify. With the misunderstanding resolved, Ibinalhim apologized for the intrusion, and invited Bobberson and his girlfriend for a Caramel Flan Latte. Reports indicate that the trio, along with Muhammad, are attending a Taylor Swift concert later this week.

Reaction to the incident has been widespread and, sadly, typical for such situations. While Muslim officials have responded with the patience and understanding characteristic of their community, radical non-religious sects were swift to attack several mosques and Starbucks locations. Police are still investigating a viral video in which a quartet of militant atheists appear to devour Bobberson's cat, Sniffles.

"We've come to expect this sort of behavior from secular humanists," said Police Chief Roger Huffbrook, at a press conference following the eruption of violence. "Studies have repeatedly shown that logical thought and a dedication to rationality can only lead to a life of brutal crime. This particular pack of savages was led by Kirk Cameron, known to have recently relapsed into the militant atheism that plagued his childhood."

Also weighing in on the matter was Pope John Paul Benedict Cumberland XXVVII. Pausing in his distribution of contraceptives and AIDS-awareness pamphlets in a small African village, the Pope mused that, "Humanists are only doing what their beliefs require. Unlike the sensible Christian and Muslim faiths, which demand nothing illogical of their followers, atheists have no choice but to commit these atrocities."

When asked whether he forgives the rationalist-led attacks, the Pope replied, "Well, we must hold them accountable for their actions, but I think it best to grant them a degree of latitude. Their lack of faith doesn't afford them the stability of a nice, reliable god. After all, can you imagine someone using religion to justify violence? The very idea is absurd!"