OPERATOR: 911 emergency.
VOICE: Listen to me very carefully. In exactly ninety seconds, you will be in a Liam Neeson movie.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry?
VOICE: Eighty-nine seconds. This is your only warning. After this call ends, people will start to die.
OPERATOR: Sir, 911 is for actual emergencies. Prank-calling this number is illegal.
VOICE: Eighty-seven seconds. You're wasting time, Angela.
OPERATOR: I'm -- I'm sorry?
VOICE: Eighty-six. Your name is Angela Morrison. You live on Partridge Street, apartment 2A. And in Eighty-one seconds, you will be in a Liam Neeson movie.
ANGELA: ...This is a joke. Is this Charlie? This is Charlie, isn't it? What have I told you about calling me at work?
VOICE: Charlie is dead. Eighty seconds.
ANGELA: I know it's you, Charlie. This isn't funny. You'll get us both in trouble if you keep doing this. It was cute the first time, but my supervisor gets really angry.
VOICE: You've just received an email. Open it. Seventy-three seconds.
ANGELA: All right, fine. But after I get home tonight we are having a serious -- Jesus Christ!
VOICE: Do I have your attention now, Angela Morrison? Seventy seconds.
ANGLEA: You -- you killed Charlie? Jesus (CENSORED) Christ! Who is this?
VOICE: You'll find out who I am. But only if you precisely follow every one of my instructions. Sixty-five seconds.
ANGELA: All right! All right! Charlie…Jesus...what do you want me to do?
VOICE: You have one minute. After that, you will be in a Liam Neeson movie. Improbable things will happen. There will be gunfire, car chases, and heated dialogue. Do you understand?
ANGELA: I understand!
VOICE: Good. Leave your desk. Go to the supermarket down the street. Purchase a bag of Flamin' Hot Doritos. Fifty-five seconds.
ANGELA: Dor -- Doritos?
VOICE: Flamin' Hot Doritos. Pay attention, Angela. Fifty seconds.
ANGELA: Okay! Okay, I've got it. Flamin' Hot Doritos. Then what?
VOICE: Take the Flamin' Hot Doritos to the corner of Fifth and Lake. Hold them out as traffic passes. When a clown driving a sewage truck stops in front of you, give the Doritos to him. Forty seconds.
ANGELA: A…clown?
VOICE: In a sewage truck. After the clown leaves, proceed to the Starry Skies Bowling Alley. Inside you will find a woman named Frederica. She has three teeth and one glass eye. Frederica will give you a thermos full of Campbell's Chunky Soup. Thirty-two seconds.
ANGELA: Bowling alley. Frederica. Chunky…Soup. I've got it.
VOICE: Eat the entire thermos of soup. Twenty-eight seconds.
ANGELA: Why?
VOICE: I told you, Angela. You're about to be in a Liam Neeson movie. It's important to have a nutritious meal before you confront the darker side of human nature. Twenty-three seconds.
ANGELA: Hang on. What kind of soup?
VOICE: Bacon cheeseburger. Why? Twenty seconds.
ANGELA: I'm a vegetarian.
VOICE: …(CENSORED). Hang on a minute.
ANGELA: I thought I only had twenty seconds?
VOICE: Shut up, I'm texting Frederica. Okay…she says she has Farm Fresh Minestrone. Is that okay? Twelve seconds.
ANGELA: Yeah, I like that one. What do I do after I eat the soup?
VOICE: That's for you to decide, Angela. Are you ready to be in your Liam Neeson movie? Ten seconds.
ANGELA: Wait, what do I have to decide? I don't --
VOICE: Remember what happened to Charlie. Seven seconds.
ANGELA: (CENSORED) Okay! Okay, I'm ready!
VOICE: Very good, Angela. You have five seconds.
ANGELA: Why do I always get the weirdos?
VOICE: Three seconds.
ANGELA: I (CENSORED) hate the late shift.
VOICE: Two…one…
ANGELA: Poetry was a stupid major. I have to go back to school.
VOICE: Zero. Good luck, Angela.
ANGELA: I don't even like Liam Neeson.
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